It’s tough when you hate something that comes out of you

You know, I have lots of mixed feelings about this number.  When it was conceived, it was something so entirely different from where it landed when it first hit the stage.  It went from a concept number to this watered down, trying-too-hard kind of number.  Mostly as a result of… well… of my trying too hard.  Trying to do what, exactly, I’m not sure.  A true burlesque number?  A classic burlesque number? To prove that I was sexy?  That I could hold my own without a story arc?  Without a gimmick? Whatever the reason, it didn’t work.  I listened to lots of advice when I was first putting this number together.  And the final result was that it wasn’t true to me and I hated it.  This fucking number.  It had a chair at one point.  Thigh-high boots.  It was a complete mish-mash of what the fuck, and on the video of my first performance of it, you can totally see it on my face.  That I just wanted to get it over with.  It’s too bad.  It has merit, this little guy.  So, I’ve spent a lot of time with it.  Feeling it out.  Letting it grow.  It has a new costume element now and it’s miles closer to where I want it to be.  And now I’m starting to enjoy performing it.  Which is what burlesque is about, at least in great part, am I right?  So, I’ve decided to post this video that recently turned up.  It’s an early incarnation of the number (though not the first; that one will not see the light of day, ever.) I think it’s the third time I performed it, and the very first as an independent performer.  It’s rough, and not where it is now (and where I hope it will be, because they keep growing as you keep growing, right?) but it’s pretty good.  And it’s apparent that I’m actually having fun with it.  Watching that made me really happy.

And that fucking zipper didn’t get stuck.  I also have that video.  It’s hilarious.  Maybe one day.

Click it.

Venus on Vimeo

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